The Second Wife, part 2

I am going to pick up where the other left off.

I had just moved into my Myspace Mistake’s trailer in a run down part of town, just over the state line, in a place that no one would look for me. Even though no one except my parents knew where to find me, the words my ex used echoed in my head. He told me he would kill me. When I was last in his truck, he drove me out to this patch of wooded area off the beaten path, called Powell road . He told me that was where he was going to leave my body so wildlife could devour and erase all evidence I ever existed. This caused my paranoia to climb, so my mom went with me and we traded my car in for another one. Once the dealership understood the situation they came through with an amazing deal and put me in this little Honda that wasn’t anything special, but had tinted windows and looked nothing like my bright red Accent.

Lori and her teenage son moved into a room they shared at the end of the trailer, my babies shared a room just down from Lori, and I moved my things into my Myspace Mistake’s room. I wasn’t there more than a day when I realized how much I missed talking to him. He had no computer, no internet in the trailer. They were luxuries he couldn’t afford at the time. I stepped in and ordered internet, prepaid the bill until he was home, and waited for it to be installed, but it was over a week of waiting before they would arrive and I didn’t want to go without thanking him for all he had done. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me.

I had a meeting with the detective taking on my daughter’s case. She is not a good person. She told me that even though I had witnesses to what my daughter had described and the medical report, she didn’t believe anything happened. She told me she had talked to my ex and believed this was some “sad desperate attempt to keep custody” claiming he had filed to get more time with the kids. This wasn’t true, but I wasn’t the only one seeing a problem. My ex got married in a spur of the moment ceremony and his new wife started recording the detective because she said there was just something she didn’t feel good about. The detective told me at the end of our meeting that she liked my ex and thought he was being more forthcoming than I was so she was giving me “three days to call and admit this is all a fabrication” and that if I did she would seek a lesser punishment for a false police report, if not I would go to jail and he would get my children.

I took a moment and prayed about it, called my mom, and I tried to think over what I knew to be true of our local police department. Would they put someone in jail for telling the truth? They had put me in jail when I was raped so the fear and worry were ever-present, but what kind of parent would I be if I ignored my child when they stated they had been hurt? I would be a horrible parent. I knew my daughter was young and struggled to explain in full sentences, but the mom in me came roaring to life and would have done anything to protect my child, so I called the detective before she even made it back to her office and left her a message. To paraphrase what I said, I told her she could suck a duck (No, that’s not a typo).

I went straight to pick up my kids and head back to my Myspace Mistake’s trailer. I told Lori I wanted to go get some more of my kids things and she agreed. We made it a midnight mission, but all we did was drive by. My stomach was in knots thinking of being there, being found, so we drove past and made sure everything was okay then we headed back to the trailer. By morning, I had found renewed courage and my pepper spray. I waited until I had to pick my kids up from their daycare/school and then headed over to the house. My daughter took her brother by the hand and helped him get into the backyard to play on their swing set while I loaded down the car and waited as the computer came to life so I could message my guy.

As soon as Yahoo messenger was up, I left him a message of thanks, complete admiration, and I asked him if when he came home from this deployment if I could take him on a date. He replied with “No, because I will be too busy taking you to dinner.” I told him he should have been sleeping, but he told me they were doing missions and everyone was awake. I didn’t know what that meant, I knew better than to ask, so I changed the subject and told him I was developing feelings for him. I looked at my back door to see my kids playing, always in my line of sight, but in that moment I failed to notice the car at the end of the driveway.

I only noticed someone was out front when I heard the knock on my door.

The detective was standing outside. I let her in and she told me about the warrant. I explained I already knew about the warrant and was turning myself in the next morning. Everything had been set up. I explained that I was granted this time to get things done and I was doing just that. I gave her the name of my bondsman and my lawyer. It wasn’t enough. She told me that no one told her to give me more time, and that she couldn’t allow me to walk away with an open warrant, so I was going to jail. She called for a uniformed officer to come get me while I called my mom to get my kids. While waiting my messenger kept flashing, my Myspace Mistake was trying to find out why I wasn’t talking. I asked if I could tell him I was going to jail since he was deployed and would worry. The detective allowed me to.

I said “The detective is here, I’m going to jail. I should be out soon, but I may not get back over here to talk to you for a while. Be safe over there, come home to me whole. I love you.”

I know… I know… It’s not the most romantic way to say you love someone, but he had become my best friend, my confidant, my whole world. He was always there to pick me up on bad days and in truth outside of the one red flag, I saw him as flawless, but I would soon learn my lesson that everyone no matter who they are are flawed. It’s what makes us special and unique. If we were all perfect there would be nothing that made us stand out, with him, it was the perfection I saw that made him stand out. I thought God had sent him to me to be the man I deserved after going through hell. The words rolled off my tongue easily, my fingers typed them without hesitation, and I hoped that whatever was happening overseas he knew someone was back home waiting for him.

What shocked me was his response, after months and months of talking to each other, being there for one another, he said “I love you more.”

I replied with “I loved you first.”

The detective stated that was enough. I told him goodbye, she led me outside where an officer was waiting, and they took me to jail. The detective stayed with my kids until my mom could get to them and I sat in holding for four hours because processing took forever. Once released the Magistrate had to give me permission to go back to my Myspace Mistake’s trailer because it was across state lines. After being given permission I walked outside to see my mom and Lori waiting for me with my kids. They went with me to load up the computer that housed my only connection to the man overseas and some other things. My mom took control of my house and we set up future visitation drop offs to be held at the police department parking lot until all this was settled and I could feel a little safer.

My Myspace Mistake called a couple days later and gave me a list of things he needed taken care of. Getting the keys to his truck from his best friend, the one friend that my Myspace Mistake would require me to pass his friend’s gauntlet, if I wanted a future with the man I just professed love for. Lori went and got the keys from the friend as I was not going to present myself to some guy I didn’t know and try to win him over after the trauma of what was happening. I handled everything else on his list.

Internet was installed and I had the computer set up and ready the minute they said it was done. I didn’t even let them out of the door before I was signing in to my messenger. I talked to my Myspace Mistake about everything. We talked a lot about his childhood and his dad. Learned a little bit about his sister who had hurt him with a Teddy Ruxpin, but not a lot since they weren’t speaking to each other. I noticed in the six or seven months we had been conversing that he mentioned his dad and his dads girlfriend, but never his mom. I knew a childhood story where his dad cheated on his mom, there was a fight, my Myspace Mistake got in between them, and according to him, he got stabbed. Then they locked him up in a mental institution after they separated because he began acting out. He told me about his buddies from high school who beat him with a 2×4 and carved his name + “is gay” on the railing at an apartment complex where his dad lived. He explained he had joined the service because he had no where else to go. His dad had kicked him out, he was doing drugs, crashing on couches, and it got to the point where even his friends parents were asking him to leave. He told me he joined to straighten up and have somewhere to go. It was all heartbreaking things that he told me about his past. The avoidance of his mom had piqued my curiosity, but I wondered if it was something bad, the kind of bad where you have to choose when you are okay to talk about it, so I didn’t question it.

“…The vulnerable narcissist is going to try to pull energy and empathy from you to feed their emotional neediness.

– Claire Karakey, LPC

*I would talk with his family and friends and find out about his story, but that comes later.

After a month of this my kids had adjusted to our new living arrangement, my mom and I scheduled time and places to meet up so she could see my youngest two and I could see my oldest son who has Asperger’s Syndrome and lived with her. He doesn’t adjust well to change and my whole life had been unraveled so we turned this situation into play dates at Chucky Cheese, or the park, or wherever the kids wanted to go.

Lori and I took the kids down to a fall festival one night a couple weeks before Halloween. I avoided my Myspace Mistake’s best friend and the whole fire department he volunteered at. I didn’t know how much they knew about me and had learned when people knew what I had been through they had a tendency to gawk or scoff in disbelief or say things like “if he wanted you dead, you would be dead.” The court date was a little over a month away and I would have to face him then. That night I stayed up late to talk to my Myspace Mistake, I told him of my unease with the upcoming court date, his friends having the power to make or break what we were building, I was scared because I wasn’t sure I was ready for the relationship we had built so far, but I didn’t want to lose him either. I explained that I was terrified with the fact that he was coming home and I felt there was this expectation of intimacy and I hadn’t had consensual sex in years. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be that person for him. The kind of person who isn’t afraid of anything as he had told me he wasn’t afraid of anything. I laid it all on the line and was completely vulnerable.

He returned the sentiment with his own vulnerability. He told me he was coming home in a few weeks and his dad last minute couldn’t make it. He asked if I would be there at the airfield waiting for him. I was already going, nothing could keep me away, but the way he stated it caused me to ask “no one else is going to be there when you come home, no one other than me? He said yes, that his dad was the only one and he was busy. He said “if you aren’t there, I’m coming home to no one at the airfield.” My heart shattered into a million pieces. I thought here were these guys who were off fighting for everyone and no one was standing there for them. I couldn’t help the tears that fell thinking of all they do for us and all they wanted was someone to welcome them home.

I told him I was going to be there, I explained nothing could keep me away. I told him that any solider that was coming home alone was coming home with us. It was something we would do every deployment after this one, sort of like tradition. No solider came home alone in the unit, if no one was there to welcome them, give them a hug, and tell them thank you, then I would be there to do that. My Myspace Mistake told me I had a big heart and that’s what he loved about me. I set out to get everything needed for a huge homecoming for my guy and whoever else needed to have a welcome wagon.

The countdown had begun and my knight and shining Myspace Mistake would be coming home soon.

Continued here: Part Three

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