People know my story. The mom who gave up her special needs son for a better life only for complications and budget cuts to take over and send him into foster care. I was working diligently to create a relationship with my son and help do whatever I could to get him closer to us.

We have been very lucky in that department. He has been moved closer, but it seems it came a day late and a dollar short. I have been sick. It’s something that doesn’t show up in lab work except to leave doctors scratching their heads. It is something I have struggled with since I got Lyme’s from a tick. Some physicians tell me its normal from the damage that was done from the bug. Some even tell me I am lucky I can still walk and talk. Others tell me what my labs currently say and then push me to take any kind of medicine they think “might” work.  I don’t knock any of it, I would love to feel better.

I have sunk so low that I do everything from a chair. Standing up for more than fifteen minutes is something I cannot do anymore. But because there is no diagnosis there is no code for the military to use to stop what is coming.

We are on orders for a new duty station. I knew when I married a soldier that it would happen. That is was possible. I have been to quite a few places, but we came to the location we are at now on a reassignment a few years ago and even though we are a hop, skip, and a jump away from retirement its time to move again.

Usually, moving is an adventure I can’t wait to be a part of. To start over somewhere new, but this time its a solemn occasion.

I will no longer be within a days driving distance from my son we prayed, worked, begged, and pleaded to get closer to us. I will no longer be at a duty station that has a hospital, which I spend about 20% of each year in one. There isn’t even a clinic on the base.

The worst part, the one person in the world I should be able to count on for support or to help me told me I knew what I was getting into. When divorce was mentioned I was told it was my choice. These are not the words any woman wants to here. Its okay to fight for the person you want. If you have someone that is not worth fighting for then why are you with them?

So, here I am pouring it out on my blog.

You are probably wondering why the person who is 99% happy posts, and smiling would post something like this… Because I am not the only one who has gone through this or will go through this. Sure, the circumstances might be different, but in the end I won’t be the only person who has had to choose between her son and her husband.

So, the moral of my story is to hug those you love tight. Tell them how much you appreciate them, and be grateful because you could be in my shoes or something much worse.


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